


Too much

by Mizuiro_no_Yume



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Omega Verse, Romantic Fluff, with some Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-26 08:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17138045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mizuiro_no_Yume/pseuds/Mizuiro_no_Yume
Summary: Sometimes, everything feels like too much.





	Too much

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Creme13rulee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creme13rulee/gifts).



It's not like Yuuri can't say confidently that _he_ is Victor’s mate.

He can do more than that, in fact, and showing his love to the entire world always makes him giddy in a way not even champagne can.

But there are days, like today, when he wonders how this happened and can't quite hold his head high.

Victor has been by his side all day, sometimes wrapping one arm around Yuuri, others looking at Yuuri like he couldn't take his eyes off him and now, Victor is even leaning on Yuuri and breathing in deliberately against his neck, searching for his natural scent under the layers of blockers and the dash of the cologne Victor himself gave him last Christmas.

"Victor," Yuuri whispers, not wanting to create any distance between them, but also not wanting to stay like this, "we're in public."

"And?"

Yuuri blushes and wriggles away, blushing and using his scarf to hide his face as much as he can. Because Victor is shameless, but Yuuri is not.

"I thought we were going for dinner."

That's nothing but an excuse, because it's not like they couldn't walk while Victor is all over him, but Yuuri needs the space, if only to avoid the stares of people who seem to wonder how someone like him got such an amazing alpha by his side.

"Yes, our date isn't over yet," Victor replies, smiling, as he takes Yuuri's right hand and entwines their fingers. "I have a reservation in that Japanese restaurant you like. I know it's nothing like Yu-topia, but I thought..."

"It's fine," Yuuri cuts him off, still embarrassed and nervous, but holding Victor’s hand tightly. "Their tekkadon is good."

"But their katsudon lacks something," Victor musses. "I got Hiroko's recipe, so I'm going to try it my next day off. It'll be a cheat day for you."

Yuuri should be happy, grateful, but he only feels guilt and can barely smile and nod. Why does Victor go that far? Victor is the perfect alpha, he doesn't need to court Yuuri, and yet...

The dinner is good and Yuuri enjoys it even in the small booth they sit at, staying so close that Yuuri can feel Victor's warmth and can smell Victor without even trying to do so. The space is private though, so he can keep his thoughts at bay while they talk, although he draws the line when Victor tries to feed him.

"I can eat by myself." Yuuri uses his chopsticks to bring a piece of tuna to his mouth to mark his point. Victor pouts.

"But we're in a date," Victor says as if that justifies everything. "What kind of alpha would I be if I don't do anything for my omega?"

The small sign of possessiveness makes Yuuri choke and without Victor rushing to help him drink some water, Yuuri is sure he'd have ended up coughing until his eyes would be full of tears. As it is, Victor saves him from such humiliation, but at the same time, he reminds Yuuri what is the problem.

Victor gives and gives and gives him so much Yuuri doesn't know where he'd be without him. Yuuri can't say he does the same and as much as many others would justify it using their secondary genders, Yuuri doesn't want to use any excuse.

Because this is not about any alpha and any omega, this is about _them_.

But what can he do for Victor?

Rushing to pay the bill —"You paid for everything today!" "But Yuuri, _I_ asked you out!"— doesn't feel enough, just like taking the initiative and reaching for Victor's hand on their way home doesn't help either. Especially because he feels like running away to find some private spot where he can use all the anxious energy he has.

There's no reason for that other than today has been too much. Too much Victor, too much happiness, too much fun, too much, too much, too much...

"Yuuri?"

And Victor notices, maybe because Yuuri is gripping his hand too hard or because Victor just hasn't stopped looking at him and he knows Yuuri too well not to realize something is wrong.

"Sorry." Yuuri's voice sounds small, weak. "Let's go home."

Maybe, once they're alone, he'll be able to get rid of those thoughts and...

"Of course."

But no, that's not going to happen. The fact that Victor agrees so easily, that he’s still trying to do something for Yuuri, only makes things worse. And at home that doesn't stop because not even Makkachin can distract Victor long enough and he rushes to boil some water for tea while he asks Yuuri if he wants matcha or something else.

"I think we still have cocoa, too," Victor says as he opens cupboards, looking for more options, "or we could..."

"It's okay," mutters Yuuri, still close to the door and fidgeting with his scarf. Running away seems better than any warm drink they could drink cuddling on the couch and he has the perfect excuse because Makkachin is there, staring at Yuuri like she knows there's something wrong. "I'm going to take Makkachin for a walk."

Yuuri picks Makkachin's leash up and rushes out before Victor can suggest going together and Makkachin, smart as always, runs after him.

Creating some distance between him a Victor doesn't help, though, and the increasing guilt makes him cut the walk short and go back home just after a few minutes. Makkachin doesn't seem to mind and as soon as Yuuri opens the door, she rushes inside, but Yuuri can't do the same.

Even if it's subtle, he can detect some sourness that stops him in his tracks and makes him hesitate for a few seconds before he finally walks inside, noticing more and more Victor's scent.

He caused this.

Why does he keep making everything worse?

And despite this, Victor still smiles at him and pats the empty spot on the couch beside him.

"That was fast," Victor says. "I guess the wind is too cold even for Makkachin."

Yuuri bites his lip and tries to focus on something other than the fact Victor doesn't have a warm drink with him —because that's something he was doing for Yuuri, because he wanted to share that drink with Yuuri, because he...

"I should've waited." Those words come out rushed, making Yuuri cringe. It's not even a proper apology, and it sounds stiff, _off_.

Victor shrugs.

"Makkachin loves walking with you and we all know I don't have your stamina."

That Victor is still trying to make him feel better, faking a casual tone and acting as if it hadn't been a big deal even as his pheromones give away his displeasure, is frustrating and instead of cowering or seeking to improve his alpha's mood, Yuuri snaps.

"You don't have to lie."

It's such an _un-omega_ thing. Yuuri knows that and yet, he can't take those words back. He's angry, tense, and he's not even sure if he blames Victor for being too much or himself for not being enough, and he just can't hide those feelings any longer.

"I'm not lying." Victor runs a hand through his hair and sighs, holding himself together like Yuuri never quite manages to do. "I'm going to bed"

Yuuri clenches his hands and watches Victor walk away slowly; it’s like he's giving Yuuri the chance to stop him, but Yuuri can't do that.

Not yet, at least.

There's a part of him —his omega side— that makes him want to rush to Victor and soothe him, but he's also hurt, tired and has no idea how to deal with his own feelings, so he stays back, standing in the middle of an empty living room while he listens to Victor getting ready to bed and wishing Makkachin a good night. 

It's only when everything is silent that Yuuri can go after him, habit and the pure need of his alpha overcoming anger and anxiety.

Victor says nothing as Yuuri brushes his teeth and walks around in the bedroom, unsure about whether he should take a bath —and delay this more ( _and miss Victor’s embrace in the bathtub_ )— or just get this done with.

Their fights are always like this —a sour stench permeating the air, an awkward silence, and a noticeable distance even after Yuuri stops running away… Which he's not going to do any longer.

Yuuri finally climbs into bed beside Victor, aware that they both are completely awake because they never stay that still; looking for warmth and closeness to their mate is something they do instinctively. It hurts seeing only Victor's back instead of feeling his arms around him and as the clock ticks by, Yuuri can't stand it anymore.

That's why he moves, clinging to Victor's back and breathing in his scent, searching under the sourness of anger the more familiar and relaxing aroma of his mate.

"I love you." That's not what he should say. He has to apologize first or maybe give Victor an explanation, but that's what Yuuri blurts out against Victor's neck.

But it's the right thing to do.

Victor sighs softly and moves, turning towards Yuuri to catch his hands and kiss his knuckles. It's a sign of devotion and love that makes Yuuri's heart skip a beat, and Yuuri relaxes just a bit.

"You're my love and my life, Yuuri," Victor says, his gaze piercing even in the shadows of the night, "don't forget it."

So Victor _knows_. 

_Of course he does_.

Ashamed, Yuuri ducks his head and slides closer to Victor, trying to hide. Victor lets his hand go and holds him tightly instead, giving Yuuri the closeness he yearns and the respite of not having to face him. They still need to talk though.

"Is that enough?"

"Some days it’s too much," Victor whispers, almost like an echo of Yuuri's own feelings. "I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to do enough for you."

It's almost ridiculous how in sync they seem to be and before he even notices what he's doing, Yuuri chuckles and he moves a little, trying to get even closer to his mate.

"Yuuri?" Victor asks, sounding confused. Yuuri shakes his head.

"I love you," he says again, wishing they were on the ice, where he can skate his love. Here, though, he can release his own pheromones and express himself like this, making sure Victor is aware of just how much he means it.

And Victor gets it.

All the sourness in his scent is gone and the way Victor holds him changes as if, now, he doesn't fear Yuuri might run away again. Yuuri breathes in deeply, relaxing completely and even as he closes his eyes, he knows he doesn't want to fall asleep.

He wants to enjoy this calm, this warmth, this...

"Will you let me take you to another date?" Victor whispers suddenly, sounding less confident than usual.

Yuuri wants to say yes, he wants to make any self-doubt disappear from Victor's voice, he wants to make Victor smile happily, and yet he blurts out something else.

"We just had one." And that's a fact, even if Yuuri ruined said date.

"Then let's say that one hasn't ended," Victor adds before Yuuri can regret his new mistake. "I'm sure we have wine and blankets... we can light a fire, too? And maybe some candles..."

Yuuri laughs. He's well aware of how much of a romantic Victor is, yet the suggestion still surprises and delights him to the point that the last remainders of tension disappear.

"Okay."

"Okay?" Victor seems bewildered, like he really hadn't expected Yuuri to agree.

Maybe Yuuri can only blame himself for that and that's exactly why he now feels determined to do more than just accepting Victor suggestion. Yuuri moves first, leaving Victor's embrace to leave the bed an offer Victor his hand.

"Let's go," he says. "I know where the scented candles are."

Victor takes his hand as a heart-shaped smile forms in his face and he lets Yuuri lead the way to the living room, where they create together a nest made of blankets that feels like a world that only exists for them.

It's almost silly, really, but Victor looks so happy that Yuuri thinks that maybe this... that maybe _he_ is enough.

Yuuri believes that even more as Victor kisses him while they laugh about a silly joke and talk about nothing and share smiles for no reason other than the joy of being together, and when they fall asleep, they don't stop smiling, they stay close and they still whisper sweet nothings that only express a small part of their feelings.

Because they just feel too much and (right now) that's okay.


End file.
